moving on

my hair has been an important part of my life.  funny because i'm low maintenence - i won't dry my hair or fix it.  never have.   but i was a hair model for seven years.

whoa...

i loved that job.  i got to travel the world and work with people i loved, but i didn't really get to choose how i looked for those years - so many styles, so many colors. so when i was done modeling, i was excited to gain some control over my look. i grew my hair out and went back to my natural blonde because that was DIFFERENT.  it's been long for almost a decade now.

and i've grown sick of looking at it.  so i got my hair cut.  happy to be moving on.

soon, i reckon i'll color it.

gracias

i get excited about holidays.  koruna is almost 2 1/2 years old now and i feel like we are just beginning to get to share holidays. she is participating in the rituals now. and she questions them.  just the other day she began asking "why?".

lawd, there is so much to be thankful for this year. every year.

blur

life has been racing by.   with a 2-year old, an infant, and a business to run, i find it hard to accomplish all that needs to be done in a day.  every day.  i am constantly moving, dashing from one task to the next.  and the moments race by in the other direction.

everything is blurred.

when i look through the photos on my phone, 90% of them must be blurry.  because my children are always moving.

yet they are totally in the moment.  they are ever present.  life must be so clear from that perspective.

no blur at all.

one-month-old family

when i look at this photo, i am surprised by how awake ian and i appear.  i sometimes look in the mirror and don't want to recognize the gal i see - she looks haggard.  a newborn and a two-year-old make for challenging company at times.  ian and i often have to look at each other and sigh or shake our heads.  sometimes we just laugh (to keep from crying).  but every trying hour also holds in it such sweet, achingly beautiful moments.

i LOVE this.  but honestly, there are instances (like when i can't get away from the smell of my son's spit-up because i am covered in it or when i feel like throwing a tantrum WITH my daughter) that i have to remind myself of that.

it's a full-spectrum life, parenthood.

wow.

wow. marvel is 3 weeks old and i haven't yet found a few minutes to describe his intricacies here. i don't know when i'll find the time. every minute since his birth has been full of love, of life, of pain and healing. words can't even touch the small grandeurs of our days. this love is too big.

one day maybe i'll  manage to live this new life and write about it, but i'm not there yet...