cooling off

work on our casa continues. before koruna was born 2 years ago, my dad came to austin and installed central a/c in the top floor of our house (the part we live in) so that our newborn wasn't dripping with sweat from day one. since we are now moving our bedroom downstairs in preparation for marvel and will be taking over the entire house in the coming months, my pop returned recently to cool the downstairs.

at the last minute, my dad's partner couldn't come to help with the install so ian was drafted. it was a helluva job, but they did it in a weekend. they worked morning, noon, and night in the triple digit temperatures. i am typing this in the luxury of my cool downstairs studio. thanks, papasita. and thanks, ian.

popsicle afternoon

shana came over the other day so we could do some sewing. i actually got a rare photo of her (below) - she's always behind the camera. we finished off the afternoon with popsicles and shana captured it beautifully. a lovely afternoon...

marvel

marvel

a wonder

something that causes wonder, admiration, or astonishment; a wonderful thing

i'm 34 weeks pregnant with our son and i still haven't posted about his name. i love his name:

Marvel Heron Ingram.

we've had the name Marvel tucked away in a secret spot in our hearts for a while now. i love that it describes what he already is to me - a marvel, a wonder.

we chose Heron because ian and i have a history with birds.  the first trip i took with ian's family was into the czech countryside to look for birds.  the equipment, the body of knowledge, the skill of intense "birders" was new to me then, but i have since grown to share their wide-eyed admiration for the fascinating little beauties.  birds have had their place in almost every ceremony and ritual of ours.  ian and i both have bird tattoos on our arms.

i even have a circle of bird skulls on mine. it seemed natural to choose a bird name for our son.

the thesaurus says that the opposite of marvel is expectation. how fitting that is as well. i was raised with 2 sisters, i have lots of girl cousins, and i have a fierce love for a large group of amazing girlfriends. i'm not going to know what to do with a little boy.  this time around, i have no expectations.

i can only marvel at it all.

expansive love

i've long had a fascination with matryoshka, but those beautiful russian nesting dolls took on a greater meaning for me while i was pregnant with my daughter, koruna. i saw them as a symbol of the unbroken maternal lineage of which i am a part - a woman coming from a woman coming from a woman.

i find it miraculous that baby girls are born into this world with all the eggs that they will have in their lifetime - that while koruna was nesting inside of me, all of her little eggs were nesting inside of her. i, in fact, held the eggs of my grandchildren.

i am also knocked out to think that the egg-that-was-to-become-me was once nesting inside my maternal grandmother when she carried my mama. thinking about that strengthens my emotional connection to all the women who've come before me and all the women who are still to come.

it struck me the other day that having a son means something entirely different since his children will not nest inside of him. it means that there is perhaps a little girl out there - or maybe she's not here yet - that could one day carry my grandchildren. who is this little girl? where does she live? who is bathing her and kissing her goodnight and teaching her how to love?

i know that since my sisters and i were conceived, my mama has prayed for the little boys growing up somewhere that we would someday grow to love.

she has prayed for ian for my entire lifetime. what a beautiful gift.

ian and i have been married for 3 years this week, which seems like such a short time since i've loved him for over 8. i like to think that my mama's love, the love of a stranger, was somehow helpful to ian throughout his life - that maybe it even guided him in my direction.

and so i open up my heart and send my love to my daughter's and my son's future loves, to their friends, their enemies, their teachers.

loving strangers is such a different practice in loving....

farewell, AMOA

it's been nice having 3 of ian's pieces hanging at the austin museum of art these last few months.  the show ended last week so we went to say goodbye.

i do wonder when we'll see them next.