popsicle afternoon

shana came over the other day so we could do some sewing. i actually got a rare photo of her (below) - she's always behind the camera. we finished off the afternoon with popsicles and shana captured it beautifully. a lovely afternoon...

the weekend

i've always loved the act of traveling - of moving through space - whether it has been riding my scooter or sitting on a trans-atlantic flight or slowly exploring an underwater cave in the middle of a jungle. this weekend i took a 4 hour road trip to cooper, texas in our old truck.   i was by myself on the dry texas highway and i loved every minute of it.   i mostly listened to country tunes on the radio and cried, belting out those country songs from my childhood at the top of my pregnant lungs.   man, i love doing that.  it's been so long since i had the chance.

these were my first few days AWAY.  when we realized that i've been with koruna every day for 2 years and that we're about to start this whole process over again,  ian sent me to visit my mama, my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle in cooper (population 2,000ish).   before i meet this one who'll come from me, i decided to spend a little more time with those who've come before me.

i went to slow down.  i went to be taken care of.  i went to hear my granddad's stories and to smell my granny's kitchen.  i went to stay up late talking to my mama.  i got everything i wanted and more.  i visited the cooper museum that my granddad loves so dearly.  i got to shop at my aunt and uncle's antique store.  i got to look through old family photos.  and i got to see a matinee with my granny, who hasn't seen a movie since driving miss daisy.  (and i thought i didn't get to see many movies these days...)

and i missed koruna and ian.  it was fun to miss them for a couple of days.

big weeks

koruna muse turned 2 last week. i would have never guessed how much i could learn from a two year old.  my time spent with runabird has taught me not only about the unfathomable depths of love, but also about myself, the world, human nature.  i have never felt more challenged or more proud or more vulnerable.

these are big weeks for koruna - big weeks for us all.   runa just moved into a big girl bed.  she doesn't really need diapers anymore.  she understands that she has a brother on the way.  and she's losing her nanny.

my sister, whitney, has lived on our property for several years.  trading nanny hours for rent, she has helped us take care of runa since she was just a few weeks old.   this dreamy situation has enabled me to work from home while running my business.

tomorrow whitney moves.  and everything changes.

my daughter has been forever imprinted by whitney's daily influence.   i reckon that means that a part of whitney will always live with us.

i'm nervous to see how i'll now balance my career and my family life.  how will i possibly find the time to do it all?  how will i keep from going loco?

time will tell.

family portrait june 2011

shana came over the other day and took our latest family portrait. it's so nice to have a friend you can still play with. thanks, shana.

expansive love

i've long had a fascination with matryoshka, but those beautiful russian nesting dolls took on a greater meaning for me while i was pregnant with my daughter, koruna. i saw them as a symbol of the unbroken maternal lineage of which i am a part - a woman coming from a woman coming from a woman.

i find it miraculous that baby girls are born into this world with all the eggs that they will have in their lifetime - that while koruna was nesting inside of me, all of her little eggs were nesting inside of her. i, in fact, held the eggs of my grandchildren.

i am also knocked out to think that the egg-that-was-to-become-me was once nesting inside my maternal grandmother when she carried my mama. thinking about that strengthens my emotional connection to all the women who've come before me and all the women who are still to come.

it struck me the other day that having a son means something entirely different since his children will not nest inside of him. it means that there is perhaps a little girl out there - or maybe she's not here yet - that could one day carry my grandchildren. who is this little girl? where does she live? who is bathing her and kissing her goodnight and teaching her how to love?

i know that since my sisters and i were conceived, my mama has prayed for the little boys growing up somewhere that we would someday grow to love.

she has prayed for ian for my entire lifetime. what a beautiful gift.

ian and i have been married for 3 years this week, which seems like such a short time since i've loved him for over 8. i like to think that my mama's love, the love of a stranger, was somehow helpful to ian throughout his life - that maybe it even guided him in my direction.

and so i open up my heart and send my love to my daughter's and my son's future loves, to their friends, their enemies, their teachers.

loving strangers is such a different practice in loving....